Love In Conflict | Week 1 | Show Some Love

How do we resolve conflict in a healthy way?

1. Resolve It Quickly

23 So if you are offering your gift on the altar, and there you remember that your brother has something against you, 24 leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled with your brother, and then come and offer your gift. 25 Reach a settlement quickly with your adversary while you’re on the way with him, or your adversary will hand you over to the judge, the judge to the officer, and you will be thrown into prison.

Matthew 5:23-25 HCSB

20 If anyone says, “I love God,” yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For the person who does not love his brother he has seen cannot love the God he has not seen. 21 And we have this command from Him: The one who loves God must also love his brother.

1 John 4:20-21 HCSB

Chronic stress due to grudges can cause a range of adverse health effects on the body, including on:

  • Cardiovascular health

  • Digestion

  • Reproduction

  • Sleep

  • The Immune System

2. Go Directly to the Other Person

When you’re in conflict, stop talking about people. Start talking to them.

15 “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother.. 16 But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses 17 If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.

Matthew 18:15-17 HCSB

12 Therefore, God’s chosen ones, holy and loved, put on heartfelt compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience, 13 accepting one another and forgiving one another if anyone has a complaint against another. Just as the Lord has forgiven you, so you must also forgive. 14 Above all, put on love—the perfect bond of unity. 15 And let the peace of the Messiah, to which you were also called in one body, control your hearts. Be thankful.

Colossians 3:12-15 HCSB

3. Forgive, because He First Forgave Us

32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

Ephesians 4:32 NIV

8 But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Romans 5:8 NIV

How can you start a conversation with someone you're in conflict with?

Tell Them You Want Things To Get Better

  • Keep the goal in mind: People are bigger than problems

  • Try not to accuse, use “I” statements

  • Try to restate what you are hearing and be inquisitive

  • Be aware of your body language and breathing

  • Channel your emotions toward the common good/goal

  • Take a “time out” if you need to

  • Learning to suffer well is one of the hallmarks of Spiritual Maturity

  • Remaining your best self is hugely empowering

17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away, and look, new things have come. 18 Everything is from God, who reconciled us to Himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: 20 Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, certain that God is appealing through us. We plead on Christ’s behalf, “Be reconciled to God.”

2 Corinthians 5:17-18, 20 HCSB

Brandy Crampton