What started out as a fear turned into a realization that God is always at my side. Yes, I know he never leaves or forsakes me but its different when I believe it without a shadow of a doubt. I want to be so in tune with him that his voice is familiar and stands out among everything else in my head and in my surroundings. I have been attacked with fear every since we got off the plane. I allowed it to affect my attitude and demeanor. I began to feel very alone, out of place, and rejected. I felt like truly God was the only one who truly cared about me but what I realized today is that I was feeling like that because God wants me to care about what he thinks about me more than what others think because I'm not always going to be surrounded with those who love me unconditionally. God is unconditional love. When I went out on the rooftop last night I was in complete despair, I felt like I didn't amount to anything and that God could never use me because I have way to many issues. When I was on the rooftop I looked into the dark sky and saw a demonic facial image in the clouds and I instantly ran down and knew I needed to conquer the spirit of fear that was inside of me. It wasn't until today when we hiked the mountain to see three different cross statues for me to call out to God. At one point during the hike I somehow lagged between two groups and I couldn't hear or see anyone and of course instantly got fearful. Instead of crying I took a breather and called out for God and and immediately I felt his presence in the wind. He truly revealed to me his beauty, majesty, and power in so many ways today. I felt so ashamed that I complain about physical pain or feeling judgment from others in the group I just imagine that Jesus actually was beaten and actually faced judgment and criticism. I was totally humbled, so even though there's a lot God wants to do in me I can be joyful to know that God is always with me and no matter if I feel accepted by people here, I know that God has plans that will never prosper my relationship with Him. The most important thing is that I now know that as long as I'm confident in who God has made me then can I effectively show others the love of my savior.  We must learn to see with heavens eyes to truly see our God and to see why Jesus came and died for every individual. God is beauty and he is the creator so why would we not view his creations as beautiful. In love with the one who made all things.

Kellie Shuman